Letting Go

The last couple of weeks have brought the new year of the “New Decade” to an unexpected yet frightening pause. Yes, with the Covid19 pandemic flooding social media, our timelines, and our heads, it is easy to feel completely out of control at this time. For me, being ‘in control’ is my thing but it has also brought me so much unnecessary stress. 

For most of my life, I have always tried to ‘control’ and mold my future so when things don’t go as ‘planned’ its hard for me to pivot. Lately, I’ve had good practice in the world of being ‘comfortable with being uncomfortable’. Not only have the last couple of weeks of grand ‘plans’ have been canceled or shifted (due to the COVID19 pandemic) but the last couple of years have been a crazy adventure of complete chaos.

 My ‘work’ life has been even more stressful than usual, yes due to the current pandemic but my life has been pretty hectic after taking on a new position at work. Just for perspective, I work in the Criminal Justice Dept of my home state (Hawai’i) which requires long hours of not only interviews, writing reports required by the Courts but recently I’ve had to learn on the fly, to ‘manage people’. I’ve never been formally trained in managing people in a professional setting so this has been an excruciating experience but a humbling and priceless learning opportunity.

 Although this has been a crazy, high stressful experience-it is exactly what I needed at this time in my life. The past couple of years have been the ultimate thrill and humbling experience of my life. Starting Lady Pasifika has been an incredibly amazing experience and one of my dreams come true. Lady Pasifika was a vision I had since college but one I never thought I’d go after. What many don’t know is that it is my ‘real job’ that forced me to pursue Lady Pasifika.

 My job forced me to recognize the uncomfortable-ness I had in working with offenders that looked “like me”. Working in this negative environment inspired me to manifest something positive to support my Pasifika community and make our voices loud and clear. Proud, loud, real and no apologies.

 With this reignited fire came a clusterf*ck of events that drove Lady Pasifika to her very exciting and reckless debut. With the publishing of our first issue came an overwhelming wave of actions that almost destroyed my passion and commitment to our community.

 When I decided to put together the first issue of Lady Pasifika, I immediately put together a team of people because I thought that’s what I “needed” to do to make it “official”. However, I was completely unprepared for such a huge task. I had never led a ‘team’ before nor do I have any publishing experience. Also trying to navigate this new business without a clear vision or real business plan, did not help either.

This is where the lesson of ‘letting go’ of wanting to be in control all the time comes into play and where it matters. In times like these, where the future is uncertain which is scary and out of our control-the best thing we can do for ourselves is to remain committed to our ‘why’. If there is anything on this journey that I’ve learned so far as a baby entrepreneur-it is that nothing turns out the way you think it is ‘supposed’ to look like, and that is completely okay.

Manuia,

Tolua

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